Dear February,

This is the time of year when the ice melts during the day and then spends all night freezing again.  I hate it.  At least it's not as cold, which means that winter sausage season is over.  (Winter sausage describes when I wear tights, leggings and long underwear so that I can wear a skirt in the winter.  It's successful in the sense that I can wear a skirt.  It is unsuccessful in the sense that I would usually feel sick at the end of the day due to the compression of my stomach.  Oh, the things we do for style.)

February has been a challenge.  There are some aspects that I knew were coming, but plenty of surprises.  And some, a combination of both, like losing my grandfather at the beginning of the month.  I had been warned that work would change around this time of the year.  My tutoring relationship has become strained recently, although I like to think that we've cleared that hurdle.  I'm not sure what to say.  I've felt disconnected from my home, my work and my present this month, but I think that I'm finding my way back.  Truly, there's no other way.  There's been a lot of in between and sudden change that has had to be incorporated into my life quickly.  I haven't read much.  I've watched a lot of Buffy.  That felt... fine?

I've given myself a certain amount of time to catch up and get back into my routine but now I have to remind myself of advice someone gave my grandmother three weeks ago: "Always go out.  When someone calls to invite you to dinner, even when your food is sitting on the plate in front of you, say yes.  Put the food in the refrigerator and go meet your friend."  I think this is the best advice, for the recently widowed and the recently graduated.  It's hard to follow, but recently it's led me to a bar with some great people watching, and probably to a 90's dance party this weekend.  It's time to get back to challenging myself.  Some goals and New Year's resolutions were thrown off kilter by my travel home at the beginning of the month.  So, let's set them right.

1.  I'm going to cook a meal every Sunday that I can eat throughout the rest of the week.  That also requires picking a meal and going grocery shopping every Sunday.

2.  I'm going to read 42 books this year.  That's about double what I read last year.

3.  I want to be a support to friends about the graduate, and make sure that I spend time with those who won't be in the area next year. 

4.  I want to make more connections with the people I work with; there's a reason I choose to work for an organization that's predominately young people.

5.  I'm going to continue writing letters to my brother. 

6.  I will share The Lizzie Bennet Diaries with everyone I know.  Seriously, it's amazing.  Everyone who's not watching is missing out. 

7.  I'm going to go places, even when there's dinner on the table.  

That's more like it.  On to March.


love,
hannah

Dear E12,

I only ever fly out of two gates in the Minneapolis-St Paul airport, the two gates that go Chicago. Usually I fly out of E14 in the middle of the day or the early afternoon. I've figured out which seats are far enough away from the TV that you don't have to listen to the horrible news stream.

But, E12 is the gate I leave from in the morning and the night. These flights run late and are often accompanied by a quiet, twitchy anxiousness. Flying into Chicago for 24 hours will do that to you. I hope I only have to do this one more time. I'm glad to be able to, but it's just so stressful and mournful.

Anyway, I'm headed to Chicago again. And the plane is late.


love,
hannah