Dear bag pipes,

Though I moved earlier in the summer, I really only went three or four blocks from my old place; still well within the grip of my college.  All my friends were still connected to there and I was still familiar with my surroundings.  On Saturday, I will move again.  This time I know little about the neighborhood, the people I'm living with or what to expect when I get there.  In the last couple of weeks I've gone out of my way to walk through campus when I can.  (Sad for Minnesota, campus looks most beautiful just before the students return.)  There's been the compulsion to pass through while I still can and I think I've been looking for some sort of reaction in myself.  My college's Scottish heritage and my abundant tears surrounding graduation have been well documented here, and I think I was anticipating a similar reaction to this move.  Or, at least one slow beautiful tear. 

As I took what will probably be my last walk through campus, the bag pipers were practicing.  I thought, "this is it! This will bring on the tears!" But no, just as I came across the group they ceased their practice for the night (it was almost nine o'clock) and I passed them, more appreciative of the powerfully bright blue moon than the bag pipes. 

I thought, "maybe this is the day I outlined exactly four months ago today when I'm really lost and emotionally stable enough to listen to my recording of Loch Lommond!" So, I gave it a try.  Mostly I felt a little embarrassed at the poor quality of the recording and the moments when you can hear my friend drop her program as we clasp each others' hands.  I don't think you can hear me sniffling.  (I can't be totally sure, the quality is pretty bad.) 

What I'm left with, I'm not entirely sure.  I feel more emotionally stable than I did four months ago.  (It might be equally as hard to actually identify what I'm feeling, however.)  Unlike in that post four months ago, I have plans! I have big plans.  I'm moving.  I'm teaching.  I'm intentionally moving to somewhere I don't know.  I'm discovering what kinds of beer I like.  I'm keeping up with friends.  I'm not fully packed to move.  I'm frustrated that the sink in the place where I live for only three more days is causing so much trouble. 


love,
hannah

Dear living alone,

I'm so over you.  It was a little interesting at first, but now I'm just bored and lonely.  I think that if I wasn't house sitting for a cat I would have gone crazy with loneliness.  I can imagine that eventually people age out of living with room mates, but right now it just feels necessary.  I bang around the house doing nothing and it's horrible.  I'm not living alone again for a long time.


love,
hannah

Dear Don Pettit,

You are my favorite astronaut. 

Hands down.


love,
hannah

Dear young man who sat to my right this morning,

As per usual, we were sharing our standard seven pieces of personal information. You went to a school nearby, you were an English major, we looked for common acquaintances.  You inquired after my major, which means I had to explain my major, race, ethnicity, but I threw some theater in, cause I'm really interested in theater for education and community building.  You thought that was cool.  (POints!) You shared that your senior thesis dealt with theater.  Oh? Your thesis looks at plays that riff and reference A Raisin in the Sun using Clybourne Park and The Colored Museum.  You must know that there's a very small population for whom that's a very hot opening line. 

Here's all I have to say: it is really too bad that you're going to work in another city. 


love,
hannah

Dear introductions,

It's been a while.  I've been busy, and thus, confused.  (Don't worry, it's okay.  I think that's how it's supposed to be right now.  I got an email today from someone I went to college with that said something to the effect of "hope your transition out of college has been okay, mine has been weird."  Amen sistah.  I think that's how it's supposed to be.  Okay and weird.)

Meeting so many new people means introductions all the time.  "Hi, here are the seven most relevant facts for you to know about me at this time." 

The problem is that those facts don't change.  They don't make for the most interesting conversation.  Although, we're playing a lot of "Do you know this person at that private liberal arts college in Minnesota?" (Something I've learned during my time in Minnesota: here, the endings of last names like Anderson and Jacobsen matter, and they matter in a way that matters less other places.)  So at night I see people who shared my college experience and I don't have to share those facts because they already know them. 

I hope this doesn't sound that gloomy.  Things aren't that gloomy.  I think that's just how things are supposed to feel right now.  Okay but weird.


love,
hannah

Dear flats,

I hate you.  Why would I ever choose to wear shoes that require so much pain to break in?  I have so many blisters.  I haven't had this many blisters since in a fateful night in a club in Mexico.  I give up.  Once I have broken these in I am never bothering with flats ever again. 


love,
hannah

Dear Suarez family,

Ya'll are the best.  Seriously.  I've spent the last four weeks re-watching Ugly Betty which is a fantastic series.  (Surprisingly, it was a pretty good match for my search for post-graduation media about young women.)  It's so colorful, funny and approaches topics of identity more than other network TV shows. 

But most of all, at the center, there's the Suarez family.  So much like our own families and friends, they support, tease, and love each other in an incredibly real way.  And I love them for that.  Cause Mode magazine is crazy, but the family drama is so beautiful. 

I have a major crush on Tony Plana.  Major.

I adore Hilda.  And in this month of watching, I spoke to myself a little bit in a Hilda voice.  There were lots of flailing arms and gestures that highlighted my nails.

Justin's coming out episode/dance is so beautiful.  I teared up.  The best part may be watching everyone who loves him react to his dance with Austin.  So much love!

And Betty.  There are ways that we all wanna be like Betty.  And as hokey as it is, her charge to follow her dreams is damn inspiring.  Betty Suarez gets what she wants and challenges with balancing work, family and a social life. 

Interestingly, this time around I was way more invested in the Betty/Daniel relationship.  I didn't hate the possibility of their romance this time, like I did previously.  

Any case, I needed to share my love for that family.  Also, they are fictional. 


love,
hannah