Dear Memorial Day,

My cousin became a bat mitzvah today.  I wasn't there, she's in Chicago and I'm in Minnesota.  It's not an event that I feel terribly sad about missing, but it is another reminder of what living far away from my family means.  It felt different when I was bound by my schedule as a student, but different now that I've made the choice to be elsewhere.  I know why I made this decision, but it doesn't feel different enough yet.  I've moved into a camp job which is very similar to the other summer camp jobs I've worked every summer ever.  I need it to be September because in September I won't return to school as a student and I won't have homework.  I also haven't yet moved into a new place so there's the strange feeling of being at home knowing it is no longer your home.  That was a big scary feeling.  And I really wasn't sure that I could handle three days of this feeling and being mostly alone in the house.  Instead I have escaped to a friend's home nearby where I spend the weekend with her family thinking about the various reasons we move around, or away. 

I keep trying to write.  Or at least, I feel an urge to document the feelings of this time two weeks post-graduation.  There are a lot of feelings.  Some days are very weepy, thankfully I think that phase has mostly passed.  Instead there are a lot of empty days waiting for summer to really begin and then waiting for summer to be over so the rest of my life can begin.  Summer is summer until we don't go back to school.  This is a strange time and I'm basically incapable of describing the feelings.  There are a lot of them.


love,
hannah

Dear Beaver,

You might be my favorite character on Greek.  The episode following a day in your life, "All About Beav" is probably my favorite of all time.  "But what about the children?" I've been watching buttloads of Greek.  I watched a ton tonight and I got into a packing and cleaning groove.  It's awesome, and now I have to go to bed. Because I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. 

I have tons more to say about packing and leaving and yesterday it was going to be really depressing but today I'm on a packing high excited about where all my stuff is headed.  


love,
hannah

Dear early early morning,

You and I have gotten to know each other even better in the recent days.  For both work and play.  It's been alright.  I still feel like I have to go to school tomorrow.  I don't; I'm going to the high school tomorrow, but not any classes where I am the student.  It doesn't feel weird yet. maybe, but it will soon. 

These are strange days, and I don't quite know how to fill them.  I slept for most of today, woke up, ate someone else's pancakes and then spent most of the day watching Greek.  At some point I realized I was hungry, but I don't have that much food.  I had some really flaky granola and wanted to eat it but I wasn't sure, so I ate it out of a shot glass.  It was strange but it worked.  My roommate walked into my room, made a little bit of a face, so I had to explain that I was, in fact, eating granola out of a shot glass.  Her response: I just ate two marshmallows. 

These are strange days. 


love,
hannah