Dear six months after graduation,

I began this post a while ago with the intention of posting it on the date exactly six months after graduation, but as the day drew closer I felt pretty and didn't feel like it was worth reflecting on the last six months. But, I'm feeling a little better now and I am determined to find the things that have developed in the last six months, good an bad, to tak stock of what has felt like much of the same that I didn't know before. Does that make sense? Nothing is really all tr surprising, or necessarily stands out, but that doesn't mean that there's not things to mark.

It has been six months since graduation. What have I done with those six months of being a "real adult"? Let's see

I listened to a lot of The Head and the Heart. Mostly "Rivers and Roads. Sometimes accompanied by tears.

I have moved twice.

I significantly improved my dental hygiene. I am now a regular flosser.

I found a way to arrange all the same artwork (read: magazine cut outs and postcards) that has decorated my walls for the last few years that feels a little more mature.

I have memorized hundreds of students' names.

I've gotten more comfortable speaking on the phone with people I don't know.

I've had a couple Oscar worthy crying moments.

I have kept in touch with friends.

I have not kept in touch with friends.

I've had a couple of surprising bills.

I have not spent enough time outside.

I have read a ton.

I've lost some of my collegiate vocabulary. My sentences aren't constructed quite as well as they used to be.

I discovered I don't like meetings.

I like dressing up for work.

I've developed the necessary "bitch face" for riding the bus.

I've had some unhealthy eating habits.

I've celebrated the full moon.

I've set more goals that I probably have, ever.

I speak in a probably annoying manner to college seniors to the inevitable mess they will soon become.

I've thought a lot about the place of place in my life.

I was offered a legit kitten.

I turned down the kitten.

I've learned to maintain a fairly regular sleep cycle.

I've journaled, both purposely and half-heartedly.

I've not really considered online dating.

I hope to transition away from bed centered lounging, reminiscent of dorm life, and into couch centered lounging.

I haven't seen a lot of movies.

I believe that the decisions I made have been the right decisions for me.

I don't like short stories. They are an excuse to pack as much melancholy into as little pages as possible. And no, some English major at work is not going to convince me otherwise.

I watched Girls. That was a confusing experience.

I've begun to see people around me get engaged.

I've introduced Gossip Girl into the lives of several room mates.

I've felt really lucky.

I've felt really lonely.

I biked, but I don't really feel like a biker.

I've broken or lost some of my favorite pieces of jewelry.

I used some excellent pens and was gifted a Wishbone pencil.

I looked good.

I talked shit about people.

I saw some great theatre for very little money.

I haven't missed being a part of theatre as much as I thought I would.

I've found myself as the only Jew in more and more situations.

I've heard the echoes of my mother's voice in my own.

I had contemplated the value and meaning and complications of service.

I've been awkward.

I've brought people together.

I went out for beer.

I went inside a Summit avenue house.

I've wondered about how you make friends outside of the context of school.

I've gone back and forth about the value of cars many many times.

I've made people laugh.

I am now a reference for people.

I've delved into more and more Jane Austen.

I'm doing alright.

I've, unsurprisingly, watched a lot of tv.

I'm trying to not use the fact that I know this year will probably suck as an excuse to let it suck. But I know that things are going to get better, that some of these things are just a matter of time. Things will settle and sort themselves out and we must ride out the transitional time. I know this year is hard. So, here's hoping the next six months lead you in that direction.

love,
hannah

Dear four years,

Last election day, I didn't vote.  I voted early in Illinois and my father basically handed me a list and said, "Here's who I think you should vote for."  I didn't know then that election means more than the president.

Last election day I was rewarded for voting with a bouncy castle.

Last election day I had to run from watching results to a tech rehearsal.  Our rehearsal was delayed by almost an hour while we celebrated on the lawn.  (It was much warmer than it is today.)  During this whole event, I was dressed as a golfer.

Last election day, I had just begun college.  I was falling asleep in class at least once a week.  I was starting to really feel comfortable with the people who were becoming my friends.  A big four years for me.  I took my first Black Studies class during Obama's first 100 days in office.  I learned to stay awake in class.  I, like so many of the other 18-26 that got President Obama elected the first time, there was a time in those four years when I wasn't so impressed.  I felt like there wasn't the change I had been promised.  I was going to write in February about how I was simply not invested in this election, and then, like so many women, the insane conversations in the beginning of 2012 pulled me back in.  I am now a college graduate with a degree in something generally regarded as an unwise choice.  I am AmeriCorps member, which thankfully means that I'm not unemployed.  I have almost nothing figured out, but things are going pretty well. 

Last election day, I watched the results with a great sense of celebration.

Last election day, I thought it would be the most exciting and engaging election of my lifetime.

This election day, I think that that is not true.  

This election day, I watched the results with a tense feeling in my stomach.  In the end I felt relieved, did a little dance and tried to convince myself to go to sleep so that I can stay awake tomorrow.

This election day, I walked to the polls with my roommates after two days of anxiety dreams where I wasn't allowed to vote.  (Being split between two different states is a real challenge sometimes.)  I brought my own list of candidates to vote for since there were lots of things on the ballot.

This election day, I voted on matters that aren't a complete given; the two Constitutional amendments in Minnesota have been a huge topic of conversation for the last six months and I was glad to vote against them after months and months of "VOTE NO" stickers.

This election day, I left the polls, made myself a real breakfast, took three buses to work and then couldn't tell any of my students who I voted for. 

This election day, I had Gossip Girl (Season One) on one TV and election coverage on mute on a laptop.  There was too much drama in that room.

This election day, I'm reconsidering four years.  At graduation I thought, "Great! This is the last time I will measure my life in four year chunks.  I finished high school and college on time, but now there's nothing left to finish on time!"

I may no longer have things to finish on time, but there are still ways to measure life in four year periods. So, here's to four more years of YouTube with fewer political ads.

Next election day, I don't know what will happen.  Though, I will probably be voting in Illinois!


love,
hannah