Dear skirt day,

Yesterday was Skirt Day in the metro Twin Cities area.  Oh, you don't know what Skirt Day is? Skirt Day is the first day in the spring when the weather allows you to wear a skirt with bare legs.  I have a history of missing Skirt Day, then attempting to make it up later inevitably picking a day that is not meant for skirts with bare legs.  However, in 2013, I knew it was coming.  I was prepared for Skirt Day.  It was beautiful.  The sun came out, there's still mounds of snow on the ground, but Minnesota changes so quickly. 

Suddenly the weather changes, everyone starts smiling and things don't seem so scary.  However, this is the first time when this change hasn't been connected with finals. 


love,
hannah

Dear eleven months,

As today comes to a close, I realized that today is April 12, exactly eleven months after graduation.  This year, which I dreaded, has almost come to end.  I've found a way to remember it, marked on my wrist in silver, but I almost forgot.

Somewhere along the way I stopped counting because it just became my life, and not my life after.

Last weekend I went to my last college party.  It was a friend's birthday and I wanted to catch up with friends, but as the party went on I realized I knew almost no one.  Or, I recognized them but now they were all grown up with friends and shmoozy party habits and not the loud freshman I remember.  I didn't want to dance, I wanted to sit and catch up in the corner.  I am old.  While I had fun, I realized I couldn't really go back anymore.

However, I learned a lot by talking to friends in the corner.  In part I learned that the communities I was a part of are still as crazy as ever, if not more so.  The more important part was speaking with friends who are coming up on their own graduation.  When I spoke with them in the fall I shared the only advice I had, "You're going to have all the feelings, all at once, all the time.  This seems to be completely normal."  But in the summer and fall I got vague responses, "yeah, I bet."  Now it is spring and the responses are completely different.  "I get it.  I can't describe it.  I can't leave.  I can't say... I don't know what to say."  In part I felt vindicated for all the feelings last year, and in part I was just their listener.

I have little advice, but here it is:
-You will have all of the feelings, all at once, all the time.
-You won't be able to properly describe it.
-You should find someone who gets it without you having to say every word.
-You should talk to them often.
-You should check in with your parents.
-You should leave the house.
-You should take deep breaths.
-You should let yourself cry.
-You should set small goals.
-You should celebrate the rediscovery of your Sunday.
-You should know that at some point you stop counting.
-You don't have to have a plan.

April really comes before May? For four years I feel like April came before finals which came before summer.  What is April into May? What will this be like?


love,
hannah

Dear spring break,

There are some things that don't change when you are no longer student. 

I still get sucked into YouTube. 
I still stay up too late. 
I still buy some microwavable meals. 
But, most importantly, I still can't wait for spring break. 

Four more days, many more tasks. 


love,
hannah

Dear Casmir Pulaski Day,

You are the day when I most wish I was in Chicago. You are a silly holiday and I miss you. You are also a sad Sufjan song.
You are now a day when I have to work. A lot.

love,
Hannah

Dear Keeping the Faith,

There is a unique pleasure in sharing a movie you love with someone who gets it.


love,
hannah

Dear February,

This is the time of year when the ice melts during the day and then spends all night freezing again.  I hate it.  At least it's not as cold, which means that winter sausage season is over.  (Winter sausage describes when I wear tights, leggings and long underwear so that I can wear a skirt in the winter.  It's successful in the sense that I can wear a skirt.  It is unsuccessful in the sense that I would usually feel sick at the end of the day due to the compression of my stomach.  Oh, the things we do for style.)

February has been a challenge.  There are some aspects that I knew were coming, but plenty of surprises.  And some, a combination of both, like losing my grandfather at the beginning of the month.  I had been warned that work would change around this time of the year.  My tutoring relationship has become strained recently, although I like to think that we've cleared that hurdle.  I'm not sure what to say.  I've felt disconnected from my home, my work and my present this month, but I think that I'm finding my way back.  Truly, there's no other way.  There's been a lot of in between and sudden change that has had to be incorporated into my life quickly.  I haven't read much.  I've watched a lot of Buffy.  That felt... fine?

I've given myself a certain amount of time to catch up and get back into my routine but now I have to remind myself of advice someone gave my grandmother three weeks ago: "Always go out.  When someone calls to invite you to dinner, even when your food is sitting on the plate in front of you, say yes.  Put the food in the refrigerator and go meet your friend."  I think this is the best advice, for the recently widowed and the recently graduated.  It's hard to follow, but recently it's led me to a bar with some great people watching, and probably to a 90's dance party this weekend.  It's time to get back to challenging myself.  Some goals and New Year's resolutions were thrown off kilter by my travel home at the beginning of the month.  So, let's set them right.

1.  I'm going to cook a meal every Sunday that I can eat throughout the rest of the week.  That also requires picking a meal and going grocery shopping every Sunday.

2.  I'm going to read 42 books this year.  That's about double what I read last year.

3.  I want to be a support to friends about the graduate, and make sure that I spend time with those who won't be in the area next year. 

4.  I want to make more connections with the people I work with; there's a reason I choose to work for an organization that's predominately young people.

5.  I'm going to continue writing letters to my brother. 

6.  I will share The Lizzie Bennet Diaries with everyone I know.  Seriously, it's amazing.  Everyone who's not watching is missing out. 

7.  I'm going to go places, even when there's dinner on the table.  

That's more like it.  On to March.


love,
hannah

Dear E12,

I only ever fly out of two gates in the Minneapolis-St Paul airport, the two gates that go Chicago. Usually I fly out of E14 in the middle of the day or the early afternoon. I've figured out which seats are far enough away from the TV that you don't have to listen to the horrible news stream.

But, E12 is the gate I leave from in the morning and the night. These flights run late and are often accompanied by a quiet, twitchy anxiousness. Flying into Chicago for 24 hours will do that to you. I hope I only have to do this one more time. I'm glad to be able to, but it's just so stressful and mournful.

Anyway, I'm headed to Chicago again. And the plane is late.


love,
hannah