Dear locked knees,

Several years ago, I had the honor of holding the Torah during some portion of High Holiday services.  My parents were pleased that I had been chosen for this honor.  Different members of my family gave me various tips about what to do, since I would have to hold the Torah for a while (a while here being something like six minutes).  I think mostly their advice was to not lock my knees.  Cause it does something to your blood or something.  But, once I got up on to the bimah I wanted to be strong and to not waver while holding the Torah.  I'm pretty sure I must have locked my knees at some point, cause we get about halfway through the prayer and I start to feel funny.  I can't focus my vision and I feel very warm.  I believe this is called "woozy."  I don't remember the details of how it happened, due to the wooziness, but I handed off the Torah to the rabbi and held the prayer book so that he could read from it.  It was a little embarrassing since this was supposed to be "such an honor" but it faded fast.  I am not haunted by the experience of passing off the Torah. 

Today, I was at a rehearsal for What a Stranger May Know, which is an enormous play that commemorates the fifth anniversary of the Virigina Tech shooting.  I'm participating in the reading nearest me tomorrow morning.  And in rehearsal where we stood and read the piece for an hour, I probably locked my knees because somewhere around page ten I started to feel funny.  I couldn't focus on the words as much because I was trying to figure out if I could quickly reverse the effects of my knee stupidity.  (At least, I think that's what it was.)  I made it another ten pages before I really couldn't focus, and couldn't stand up anymore.  I excused myself from the reading to sit and breathe, and cool off.  This, like the Torah experience, was a little embarrassing because then the whole group took a break (partially so they could see if anyone was reacting like me, but I don't think there was anyone else).  When we returned to reading, I fidgeted often and paused more often to take deep breaths and make sure that my knees were bent. 

I am excited to be a part of this project tomorrow morning, but I need to give some thought to how I am going to maintain my body through this whole thing.  For one, I'm going to eat a better breakfast because I think my lack of food today definitely contributed to today's feelings of faintness. 

In other news, I'm obsessed with new albums by artists whose names begin with A.  Seriously, check out Andrew Bird's Break It Yourself and the Alabama Shakes Boys & Girls.  They are keeping a live on repeat. 


love,
hannah